we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
