Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize