Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize