This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
whose ass print is on the piano?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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