using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
