so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
