Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
