we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
