quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
