I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
this will be a night to untag.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
