A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
