I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
