yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
