Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
