I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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