Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
