I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
