You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
