I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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