The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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