Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
