Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
