Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
