i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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