Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
her vagine was all disorganized.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
