The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
