I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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