Having a random hookup so left but love u
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
