An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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