just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
