There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
