Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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