We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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