He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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