I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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