Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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