i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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