amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
