I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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