Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
