6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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