The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
