did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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