i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize