i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
