I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
