I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
