Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
