butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
