I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
