Where did you get a picture of my penis
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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