You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
