I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize