Nicole vs. Life
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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