I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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