hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
