due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
