His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
