This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is wine microwaveable?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
