I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize