Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
