You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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