Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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