Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Even my vagina gasped.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
