i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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