You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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