My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
