so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
