Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
