My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
