The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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